i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
They have beer where we have blood.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
