your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
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I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?