Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.