winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops