here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
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I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
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I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off