Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night