Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.