I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
