lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
