I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
