I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
