I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize