It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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