We named our party play list daddy issues
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
