dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
