I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
