i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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