Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
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Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
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I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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