Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
