I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
