So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just found puke in my bra..
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
