I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
