I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
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I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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