I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
