Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i believe in u and ur pee
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
