ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Randomize
