Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
