He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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