i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
