It's Friday. Sex?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
