I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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