Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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