Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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