I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
