if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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