I want you more than these girls want KFC
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
