I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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