this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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