I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
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Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
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How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!