Texts From Last Night

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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me

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  (612): im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me http://tfl.nu/erth
  Replies (72) Good night (1005) Bad night (2396)
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  (518): View more from New York

  i just had sex bonerless

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  (518): i just had sex bonerless http://tfl.nu/7rsn
  Replies (84) Good night (1595) Bad night (12144)
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  (631): View more from New York

  saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.

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  (631): saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious. http://tfl.nu/pwp7
  Replies (35) Good night (4207) Bad night (523)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  You were right. It hurts to walk today.

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  (502): You were right. It hurts to walk today. http://tfl.nu/ur2f
  Replies (31) Good night (5678) Bad night (662)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.

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  (206): Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick. http://tfl.nu/0596
  Replies (43) Good night (1206) Bad night (2831)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.

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  (541): I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album. http://tfl.nu/to1v
  Replies (10) Good night (1320) Bad night (3130)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.

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  (360): I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster. http://tfl.nu/yojg
  Replies (13) Good night (4406) Bad night (831)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today

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  (847): I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today http://tfl.nu/iq2n
  Replies (5) Good night (3118) Bad night (588)
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  (619): View more from California

  its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.

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  (619): its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite. http://tfl.nu/gcjl
  Replies (7) Good night (3190) Bad night (591)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.

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  (412): i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on. http://tfl.nu/zkya
  Replies (13) Good night (3873) Bad night (723)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."

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  (336): I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On." http://tfl.nu/jjrw
  Replies (26) Good night (4188) Bad night (1053)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.

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  (603): Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die. http://tfl.nu/bcpb
  Replies (4) Good night (625) Bad night (2145)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?

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  (651): Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend? http://tfl.nu/kwwo
  Replies (5) Good night (1469) Bad night (576)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.

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  (402): Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling. http://tfl.nu/cu5s
  Replies (16) Good night (398) Bad night (1901)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture

  (410): View more from Maryland

  dude you're not even a fucking science major

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  (717): Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture (410): dude you're not even a fucking science major http://tfl.nu/vino
  Replies (4) Good night (1108) Bad night (325)

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