Texts From Last Night

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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4

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  (973): ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4 http://tfl.nu/vujr
  Replies (8) Good night (1333) Bad night (743)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me

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  (763): I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me http://tfl.nu/kago
  Replies (28) Good night (980) Bad night (4417)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.

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  (778): No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do. http://tfl.nu/1xvv
  Replies (16) Good night (4542) Bad night (690)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true

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  (330): We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true http://tfl.nu/pl0k
  Replies (23) Good night (4226) Bad night (900)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.

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  (860): I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead. http://tfl.nu/t7ti
  Replies (11) Good night (3394) Bad night (1299)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca

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  (214): She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca http://tfl.nu/k60q
  Replies (19) Good night (1451) Bad night (7017)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"

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  (513): I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem" http://tfl.nu/bkek
  Replies (4) Good night (2030) Bad night (825)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.

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  (724): The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost. http://tfl.nu/1p7q
  Replies (3) Good night (1370) Bad night (651)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?

  (613): View more from Ontario

  you're kidding right?

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  (416): Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow? (613): you're kidding right? http://tfl.nu/5c4n
  Replies (9) Good night (2826) Bad night (630)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?

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  (613): Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you? http://tfl.nu/o3d1
  Replies (4) Good night (1734) Bad night (526)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.

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  (954): in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine. http://tfl.nu/pi7u
  Replies (2) Good night (935) Bad night (448)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?

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  (814): Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months? http://tfl.nu/ebp4
  Replies (2) Good night (670) Bad night (296)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive

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  (306): some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive http://tfl.nu/omm3
  Replies (5) Good night (615) Bad night (245)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's amazing

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs

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  (717): It's amazing (610): I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs http://tfl.nu/3qhh
  Replies (4) Good night (608) Bad night (291)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for

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  (262): It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for http://tfl.nu/8tbr
  Replies (6) Good night (301) Bad night (234)

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