She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
