when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?