for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.