Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.