Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
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I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
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2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?