Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(408): View more from California

Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions

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(408): Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions http://tfl.nu/cic0

Replies (100) Good night (7242) Bad night (1200)
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(818): View more from California

you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures

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(818): you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures http://tfl.nu/qd8i

Replies (14) Good night (3749) Bad night (569)
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(519): View more from Ontario

He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.

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(519): He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka. http://tfl.nu/8f21

Replies (13) Good night (2533) Bad night (800)
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(520): View more from Arizona

There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.

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(520): There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this. http://tfl.nu/ttw7

Replies (3) Good night (1456) Bad night (813)
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(914): View more from New York

Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.

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(914): Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names. http://tfl.nu/zaoe

Replies (4) Good night (2515) Bad night (547)
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(+93): View more from

5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...

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(+93): 5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting... http://tfl.nu/dzib

Replies (4) Good night (966) Bad night (563)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates

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(717): I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates http://tfl.nu/o8si

Replies (5) Good night (537) Bad night (1139)
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(404): View more from Georgia

Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?

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(404): Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint? http://tfl.nu/u2ry

Replies (4) Good night (1109) Bad night (348)
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(404): View more from Georgia

All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....

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(404): All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused.... http://tfl.nu/ik1s

Replies (6) Good night (1783) Bad night (434)
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(951): View more from California

Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.

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(951): Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water. http://tfl.nu/p40v

Replies (5) Good night (943) Bad night (327)
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(916): View more from California

Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner

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(916): Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner http://tfl.nu/9gah

Replies (1) Good night (500) Bad night (323)
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(423): View more from Tennessee

People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.

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(423): People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store. http://tfl.nu/4ti5

Replies (9) Good night (522) Bad night (530)
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(815): View more from Illinois

the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.

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(815): the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa. http://tfl.nu/pziy

Replies (9) Good night (543) Bad night (596)
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(859): View more from Kentucky

I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!

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(859): I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS! http://tfl.nu/rgig

Replies (2) Good night (784) Bad night (230)
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(518): View more from New York

I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate

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(518): I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate http://tfl.nu/kwqw

Replies (9) Good night (354) Bad night (818)

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