my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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