I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
