Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize