I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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