I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
