You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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