I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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