You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
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She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
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He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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