After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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