Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
