i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
