I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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