Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
