u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
