So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
