the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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