Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
