so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
