Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Randomize
