you turned your livingroom into a bong?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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