Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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