Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
