Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
