It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
