Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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