Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
