it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
