Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
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Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
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Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
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