The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
