Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
