I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
