it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
