Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
