So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
